You have thoughts, feelings, and desires. You remember your past and imagine your future. Sometimes you make special efforts; other times, you simply relax. All these things are true about you — but do you really exist? If you sense the ‘self’ as an illusion, something you can point to and say, “Ah, this is me,” you begin to question its reality. Research on attention suggests that the ‘self’ exists beyond experience, appearing to have its own power and properties.

Attention is what helps you tune out distracting sounds and focus on what matters. Just like you’re giving attention to reading this article now. Although you can control and maintain attention, it is heavily influenced by the world around you. There are moments when you are caught between two appealing options. These are self-defining moments. You could choose either path, but once you choose, you establish certain features of yourself that align with that decision.

For example, imagine you’re job hunting and receive two offers: one from your current field — secure and comfortable — and another from a new field, risky and uncertain, but with better future opportunities. Which would you choose? Part of you worries about security, while another part desires change. This internal conflict divides your attention. Sometimes you focus more on security; other times, excitement wins. Attention helps tilt the balance, determining which option you lean toward. However, there are times when attention keeps both options alive, creating a state of indeterminacy.

Would self-forming actions still occur without the concept of attention? Yes.

As Robert Frost beautifully wrote,
“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I —
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”

Our choices may seem deliberate, random, or deeply meaningful. Yet, a narrative of the ‘self’ always emerges. The concept of self is a construct — like the center of gravity in physics. It is not a physical part of us but a useful idea to explain our relationship with the world. Similarly, when making tough decisions, the brain may have already made the choice. Your conscious experience of deciding is merely a reflection of that deeper, subconscious process.

Even when tossing a coin to decide between two options, while the coin is in the air, you often realize your true preference. That preference existed before the toss — your experience simply catches up.

The self is not an object but a story we tell ourselves.
Attention shapes our experiences but not always our choices.
Our brain decides before we feel the decision.
The ‘self’ helps us navigate life, even if it’s an illusion.
In the end, choice defines us more than the idea of self.