Cutting brings relief because emotion and pain criss-cross in the brain. Can we untangle this circuit and stop self-harm?

Here’s what I remember: the first time I cut myself, I was mad. I had argued with my mother—something so banal. In a fit of adolescent fury, I stormed into my bedroom and slammed the door. The scissors were old and the blades were not sharp, so I did minimal harm. I vowed I would never do it again, but within two weeks, I had broken that vow.

Over time, I explained my self-injury to my therapist and friends. They all asked, “Why?” I’m still searching for that answer myself. All I know is—when I cut, I feel better.

Blood is a powerful symbol. We speak of blood ties, and lands that have been consecrated by blood. We spill blood to cure disease, to sanctify, and to settle ancient grudges—blood feuds. Until the early 2000s, most people viewed self-harm as a symptom of psychiatric disorders, a sign of inner chaos and instability. But in the 1980s in the U.S., more and more women were self-harming without any diagnosed personality disorders. They weren’t trying to die—they were trying to cope. These were intelligent, promising individuals, yet they were consumed by the urge to hurt themselves.

Research found that men and women self-harm in nearly equal numbers. The reasons are deeply complex.

Positive reinforcement is when a behavior brings a reward. Negative reinforcement is when a behavior removes something unpleasant. Self-injury can provide both—by altering emotional states and interpersonal dynamics. Someone numb with depression may cut themselves just to feel something, even if it’s pain. Others may self-harm to quiet overwhelming emotions.

Each act may have a different reason. But the most common explanation people give for self-harming is simple: to stop feeling so bad.

Interestingly, people often feel less physical pain when they hurt themselves—because their emotional pain overwhelms it.